Before the Wedding

Once a Hong Kong couple says “we’re engaged”, one of the first things that happens is picking an auspicious date for the wedding. One way to determine the lucky date is by consulting the Chinese Almanac which specifies several good dates for weddings each year. The date a couple marries might seem arbitrary to westerners, but the Chinese take it very seriously, so much so that hotels, restaurants and other wedding services are able to inflate prices on auspicious days since some families will still choose them no matter the cost.

Chinese wedding procedures start about one month before the actual wedding day, when the bride and groom’s families take turns exchanging gifts. First the groom’s family symbolically proposes a marriage by delivering gifts including two coconuts, candles, tea leaves, cash and other items, and the bride’s family accepts by returning gifts consisting of pairs of lotuses, guavas, tangerines, eight red buns... the list goes on. These items are sold pre-packaged in large baskets for modern convenience’s sake, but each gift carries good-luck meanings.

Guests invited to the wedding banquet also receive a small cash gift and a bakery cake coupon (which used to be actual cakes) with their invitations. Invitations as well as everything else associated with the wedding are in red – the colour for celebrations – decorated with the ‘double happiness’ Chinese symbol.

Wedding photos are a big deal in Hong Kong and are taken months in advance of the actual event. The couple selects several outfits at the studio, including two to three white wedding gowns, a few formal gowns and different tuxedo sets. On the day of the photo shoot (and it takes a full day), they are taken to several different scenic areas to serve as backdrops, such as parks or harbourfront locations. In a way, these photos have nothing to do with the actual wedding but serve more as a once-in-a-lifetime pictorial keepsake.

Morning: Chinese Tea Ceremony

On the morning of the wedding, the groom gatecrashes the bride’s home. He shows up with his groomsmen to fetch the bride, but the bridesmaids have prepared a series of challenges the men must overcome before he can whisk his bride away. The tests are silly and usually a good laugh for all parties, such as paying cash at the door, eating large quantities of foods, doing push-ups or dancing the Macarena. During the big ruckus happening outside her door (which traditionally is supposed to ward off evil spirits), the bride gets ready in her red Chinese wedding dress and is able to have a last private moment with her parents.

The wedding day’s traditional procedures, which last throughout the morning, are so ancient and intricate that they leave even most Hong Kong people mystified. This is where an etiquette lady steps in. These women specialise in Chinese weddings and know all there is to know not only about the step-by-step proceedings but also the meaning behind each one. They lead the wedding, help the bride along and explain the significance of every ritual, allowing the couple to have a truly meaningful experience on their big day.

Lo Kan Fong, a seasoned etiquette lady, explains that weddings are different throughout China, and Hong Kong’s weddings have a few distinct characteristics: they are simpler, shorter and include western traditions, reflecting Hong Kong’s fast-paced lifestyle and east-meets-west culture. To modern Hong Kong couples, Chinese weddings may seem to be filled with old superstition, so she tries to emphasise all the romantic notions behind the rituals and adapts them to the changing times. “If our weddings don’t hold the essence of our culture, the traditions would easily be rendered obsolete, and they would be impossible to pass down,” says Lo.

Traditionally, the bride leaves her home quietly and heads over to the groom’s home for a tea ceremony. But in Hong Kong, the couple first participates in a tea ceremony with the bride’s parents, in which they kneel in front of the parents and offer them tea. The fact that they show this respect to the bride’s side is indicative of the relative equality between men and women in Hong Kong.

After a ride in a ribbon-adorned car to the groom’s house, the couple bow to each other, to the heavens and the earth, then to ancestors, and tea is finally offered to his parents and all of his relatives individually. By drinking the tea, the family accepts that the couple is married. The tea ceremony encompasses all the blessings and dreams for the couple, which are always of lifelong companionship and many children.

Afternoon: Western Wedding Ceremony

Historically in China, the tea ceremony officially pronounces the couple husband and wife, but now the legal aspect of the marriage takes place at a government registry, in a church or any other location chosen by the couple, officiated by a civil celebrant. This signing of legal documents often takes place around early afternoon after the tea ceremony, and is attended only by close friends and relatives. The bride usually dons a western-style white dress for this part of the day. To follow is the wedding banquet.

Evening:Wedding Banquet

The hallmark of Chinese wedding banquets is the large number of guests; the more guests, the greater an honour it is considered for the family. This is a time for the family to throw a fancy feast for all their relatives and friends, and they do not want to embarrass themselves with low turnout or substandard food. In Hong Kong, wedding banquets are either held in a large Chinese restaurant or a hotel ballroom, with the latter considered a classier venue. Guests are expected to bring hefty cash gifts, although other gift items of appropriate value are also acceptable.

Eight to ten courses of Chinese cuisine are served up one after the other, which usually include roasted suckling pig, shark’s fin soup, fish, a vegetable dish and chicken among others. The bride changes clothes several times during the banquet, switching from a white wedding gown to a few formal evening gowns to perhaps a Chinese dress. During the banquet, sometimes the newlyweds or their parents will make a few speeches, and often a slideshow will be shown with photos of the couple’s moments together. To the glee of the guests and chagrin of the couple, drunken friends might start staging newlywed games that can range from tame to crass – let’s just say they might involve blindfolds, bananas and a whole lot of awkwardness.

After a very long day, the couple is finally able to retreat to their wedding bed – decked out in red bedding – and try not to pass out on the spot.